Tenderwatch — Establishing more Bro-rocracy

by Whaleoil on July 28, 2010 · 4 comments

tobacco control tender

Maori troughers at the ready….get set…

bureau­cracy

Well, well well, what have we found here. It seems the MOH is want­ing to hand out poten­tially hun­dreds of thou­sands of tax­payer dol­lars to “inves­ti­gate Maori tobacco con­trol”. Hang on a minute, isn’t that a job for the MOH. Oh silly me, of course not. Let’s fire out a gov­ern­ment ten­der and dole out tax­payer money by the trough-full to peo­ple who never have and who will never be able to mea­sure any suc­cess or reduc­tion in the num­ber of Maori smok­ing rates. But hey, we need to look as though we’re doing something.

But wait, isn’t the Maori Affairs Select Com­mit­tee hold­ing an inquiry into the tobacco indus­try and try­ing to come up with new inno­v­a­tive solu­tions? The answer to this is yes, but the MOH knows far bet­ter than the MPs on this Select Com­mit­tee and, at the end of the day we (the poor tax­payer via MoH) will be the ones who have to con­trol this, so lets get in early. Plus it will help us in our rela­tion­ship with Aun­tie Turia and Hon­est Hone for sure.

So what’s all the fuss about? Have a look at the Ser­vices spec­i­fi­ca­tion. Wow, haven’t we seen this before???

  1. Facil­i­tate another series of hui to “scope out the Terms of Ref­er­ence of the Maori Tobacco Con­trol Steer­ing Group” Read that as travel to exotic loca­tions to dis­cuss tobacco issues, such as Hawaii, New York etc
  2. Set up a Steer­ing Group of Maori tobacco con­trol lead­ers and/or tobacco con­trol sec­tor lead­ers. Let me guess, vet­eran trougher Shane Kawe­nata Bradbrook?
  3. Sup­port the Steer­ing Group with sec­re­tariat and project man­age­ment ser­vices. We can really cream it here, bro, all the cuzzies can score a “job”.
  4. Under­take sec­tor scop­ing exer­cise… includ­ing a stock­take of Maori tobacco con­trol ser­vices and a needs analy­sis of the Maori tobacco con­trol sec­tor. Mmm isn’t that the role of the MOH, or are they incompetent?
  5. Build effec­tive net­work includ­ing face to face com­mu­ni­ca­tion that’s sup­ported at national, regional and dis­trict lev­els. Chooooice, free travel around the coun­try to see the whaaanau…sweet azzz bro.
  6. Develop strate­gic plan…which will enable informed deci­sion mak­ing by the MOH. Shit bro, that’s a bit of work, never mind our white cuzzies in the Smoke­free Coali­tion will do that for us, for a lit­tle bit of kai and some brown envelopes.

But they must have to deliver some­thing for the hun­dreds of thou­sands of tax­payer dol­lars about to be doled out. Let’s take a look…

Key out­comes

Oh how choice is this bro? Here’s what we have to deliver…

  1. Raise aware­ness of Smoke­free lifestyles. Sweet azz…that’s so easy bro
  2. Bash a few mokupuna who have been caught smok­ing out the back of the Marae and say we’ve pre­vented the uptake of smok­ing among Maori youth
  3. Travel on the tax­payer around the coun­try, wav­ing tino­ran­gi­tanga flags, have some koreo and kai with the dis­tant whaaaaanau and charge it all to the gov­ern­ment. Maybe they could give us those cool azz credit cards like Parekura used to have?
  4. Bring a Maori voice to inform pub­lic debate about Smoke­free Aotearoa – We’ll get Shane Kawe­nata Brad­brook to do that – he’s an expert bro
  5. Build on our knowl­edge of how to trough the $57 mil­lion the gov­ern­ment throws at try­ing to stop peo­ple from smok­ing, and we should be able to wran­gle some choooooice busi­ness class seats to exotic des­ti­na­tions like Shane does.

Only prob­lem, cuzzies is that this con­tract is only for a year, azz if bro… but (smirk), bro don’t worry about that cos Aun­tie Turia will look after us…

But wait, there’s more, and this is the really, really good bit. We can set the price for all our exten­sive and hard work we haven’t even done yet! Cool one bro. Shit, if Shane can get $250,000 per year, we must be able to get a bit more than that?

Let’s get into the trough. Whoooho

(P.S. Don’t tell Ryall or Key about this and we’ll say it’s all part of Aun­tie Turia’s Whanau Ora pol­icy and hide it in there).

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{ 3 comments }

naylor July 28, 2010 at 11:01 am

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Fook bro, stop has­sling the cuzzies aye or we’ll give you the bash too.We are oppressed by the gov­ern­ment and if it wasn’t for Tar­i­ana and Hone we would never get anywhere.

And stop giv­ing shit to Shane, he’s the only whanau to have done any­thing against the impe­ri­al­ist tobacco com­pa­nies try­ing to hook our kids on the weed. We think Shane should be a key part of this pro­posal in order to lead us in our revolution.

robf July 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm

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I have to say Hone is com­ing across as the most hon­est of the bunch at least he is open about rip­ping off the white mother fuck­ers.
I have yet to see any­thing use­ful out of a racist race based select com­mit­tee. A race based racist polit­i­cal party. Or for that mat­ter raced based racist poli­cies.
The (John) Key out­come is to extract a much as pos­si­ble out of the white mother fuck­ers whilst deliv­er­ing exactly noth­ing. This ben­e­fits only a few elite. End result one small sec­tion of the com­mu­nity takes out more from the econ­omy than they con­tribute. How does that help grow the econ­omy and the lot of ordi­nary New Zealanders.

kram July 29, 2010 at 9:41 am

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At one Maori health provider funded to deliver the anti smok­ing mes­sage to whanau, the movers and shak­ers spend much of their time out the back of the office puff­ing up large.

Money for jam as they say.

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