Christchurch Snapshot

I have con­densed sev­eral emails from sev­eral peo­ple into a sum­mary of the goings on in Christchurch at the moment.

Solip­sis­tic Bob seems to be strug­gling to com­mand any favour amongst the polit­i­cal classes, the busi­ness com­mu­nity or those gen­er­ally inter­ested in the well being of the social­ist repub­lic. For­tu­nately for Bob the lumpen pro­le­tariat (con­ser­v­a­tively about 98% of the voter base) couldn’t give a shit about the mayor and the tv guy that they all recog­nise runs he has a bloody good show of win­ning based on name recog­ni­tion alone.

The thing that vexes the left is that they actu­ally had the race won, but split the vote.

PARKER, Bob Inde­pen­dent 47033
WOODS, Megan Christchurch 2021 32821
GILES, Jo Christchurch City Vision 14454
Com­bined Social­ist Par­ties total 47275

So they are dead keen on find­ing one decent can­di­date to have a crack.

There aren’t many options though. The ratio of engaged polit­i­cal class to lumpen pro­le­tariat is such that they are strug­gling badly. The fat sheila (i’m not sure, I think she is big­ger) that Bob dealt to last time is look­ing to take over Jim’s safe seat of Wigram and move to welling­ton to really take advan­tage of the par­lia­men­tary sub­sidy on food. The left have been try­ing to get the other fac­tions in local body pol­i­tics to come together to remove bob, and at the moment they are twist­ing proven liar Lianne Dalziel’s arm to get her to run despite her com­mit­ments not to.

Appar­ently Lianne is giv­ing it care­ful con­sid­er­a­tion because she has finally realised she wont be get­ting a min­is­te­r­ial limo any time soon, if ever, so the may­oral vehi­cle is worth hav­ing another look at. The left haven’t yet worked out that tak­ing around a cou­ple of flagons of sherry and sit­ting down with Lianne for an all nighter is pretty much guar­an­teed to get her to agree to anything.

For­mer Labour Speaker, Sir Kerry Burke, who was recently deposed as regional coun­cil chair is known to be as cun­ning as a shit­house rat, and may fancy his chances, but is prob­a­bly going to con­cen­trate on the regional council.

The left are get­ting des­per­ate so there are also whis­per­ings about Creepy Cos­grove, though he still has a chance of mak­ing it back into a Labour min­istry some time in the dis­tant future, so there isn’t much of a show there despite his for­lorn bat­tle against Crusher. Then of course there is the issue of the punch and grow, it is very hard to take some­one seri­ously with punch and grow.

Maybe they should cast their net wider and get a ring in like Inver­cargill did. Andrew Williams is going to be out of a job soon, per­haps they could encour­age him down south, shouldn’t be too hard, if they turned bear­ing a cou­ple of cases of cheap plonk with the promise of more then he’d be in like a robber’s dog.

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